I am a coward

and your opinion of me

matters,

I wish it wasn’t so,

I wish I could just

forget

and erase, expunge with ease

all those times

I wanted to make you proud

to know me,

to have once raised a glass in my honour

when I wasn’t there

to defend myself

from your toast

and despite

it all,

see me not as bruised, vanity tinged

and needing an occasional memory

of what I meant to you.