I throw one hand up in complete

surrender,

the other is reaching for a gun

in which to take my life

first

before

the disease takes hold even more

and I have to have the one thing

that I never wanted to have

which was to lose

control

and have to have

someone look after me

like I was a child, incapable

of making my own decisions

and life

is

rendered

meaningless

and sought for destruction.