Another night out missed, a gig this time,

a reason to get up and go, gone

as I battle stomach ache, as I battle anxiety

and the what ifs and what thens

of future interaction, of needing to hurry

to a place of sanctuary during the night

just to feel relief; it is not part of who I am

but what I have become, having to think

about where I am at a certain time

and can I be trusted to make it through

a set list, a meal out with the wife,

a cinema trip with snuck in juice in hand

to quench the thirst as I watch the leading lady

and wish to be in her life, a hero for the age,

or just at a play, resounding quiet and shush,

no breathing, the gurgling of a stomach

a no no…

it is no wonder I am tired, I am constantly worn out

wondering just what is going to happen

that night.

Ian D. Hall 2017