Let us not be candid about such thing, the dress

of the euphemism a shrouded disaster

for it allows the generous thought of a smile

hidden beneath the anger,

the resentment of a lifetime’s search for the bitter truth

at the bitter end of a bitter and sometimes handful of bitter pills

to get the better of you and the snide, whispered remarks

urging you to just finish the job the once

and for all…

I tire of this pain.

 

I have spent a lifetime searching

for the beauty in everything,

I took crap for being seen as different

but I still searched.

I searched because I am stubborn

I search because that objective dressed in battleship grey

when outlandish racing green would have suited my purpose

better, I don’t like the whisper of the hypocrite who do harm

but then expect me to give up,

and yet

without doubt

I believe I have gone this far

and will slowly lose, untie the burden of the final immovable object

that stops this bolshie conformed anarchist with beauty

in his eyes from letting go.

 

Fuck it,

FUCK IT,

for by refusing to surrender I do more damage every day

and yet I will remain stubborn for now,

I will remain looking for beauty

because it is worth the smile I feel crawl upon my lips

when I see the contempt in green sour eyes

and the warmth of love in other’s hearts,

fuck it,

for being stubborn in the relentless pursuit

of beauty, I will remain a tenacious bastard…

for now.

 

Ian D. Hall 2015.