I throw one hand up in complete

surrender,

the other is reaching for a gun

in which to take my life

first

before

the disease takes hold even more

and I have to have the one thing

that I never wanted to have

which was to lose

control

and have to have

someone look after me

like I was a child, incapable

of making my own decisions

and life

is

rendered

meaningless

and sought for destruction.

 

I will not surrender, the gun however is impotent

as I can never be and I assure

the awaiting crowd at the underside of the ledge

urging the word jump out of their mouths

that given time, we all look beyond

the horizon and take the leap of faith, regardless

of whether we will be

saved.

I have a stomach full of cocktail

that given time  will slowly rot

me away, and yet

happy am I, for at least I admit my days are

finite.

 

Ian D. Hall 2015